Van Helsing
a review by Cameron McCasland

Monsters and mayhem. Action and Adventure. Kate Beckinsale in a corset.
How could we go wrong. In every way possible. I skipped the initial
release of Van Helsing in theaters after seeing the monster pictures in
entertainment weekly. Classic Universal monsters are close to my heart and
reviving them didn't seem like a good idea in the first place. However,
curiosity found me catching up with this monster hunter on DVD, and you know
what they say...curiosity killed the cat.

Stephen Sommers has taken a pass at the classics before in his Mummy
series. This one works about well as those did. It delivers big on action
and effects, but lacks in both the writing and casting. Hugh Jackman has
proven to be a box office smash in the X-men films, but here he seems stiff
and passionless. Working as an agent for the secret society inside the
catholic church Van Hellsing is more of a 17th century James Bond than the
monster hunter of old. All of the gadgets and high tech weaponry are
provided by Van Helsing's sidekick Fryar Carl (A carbon copy Q played by
David Wenham) down to the droll humor and mother like instincts to take the
gadgets away before he hurts himself. The movie is full of ideas copied out
of familiar films, a map with dashes (from Indiana Jones), a cable ride
(reminiscent of Batman), a ride into the frontier (any John Ford Western).
They are blatant and the director does little to make this film his own.

The monsters are worse. Richard Roxburgh bares a slight resemblance to
Bela Lugosi, but what he has in appearance is destroyed by the comedic
accent he gives to the Dracula character. He loses all the sensuality of
the Bela Lugosi Dracula, and invokes none of the fear of the Peter
Cushing/Christopher Lee teamings in the great Hammer films. Fear was never
brought into the equation. The movie is non stop action, with little time
to rest your eyes. There is no time for a horror movie with all the wire
work. You never have time to fear the unknown, no slow walks down
corridors, or finger curling into cameras.

Frankenstein's monster is larger than life in some moments, but then at
close range becomes a bad Halloween rental costume. The CGI wolfman,
and brides of Dracula worked well in motion, but at rest they seem cartoonish.

Sommers seems to have lost the original concept for a wolfman you can feel
sorry for. He never lets you inside the character enough to feel your own
remorse for his actions. Forgetting that "even a man who is pure of heart and says
his prayer by night; May become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms and the autumn
moon is bright."

The movie does start well for nostalgia sake. An angry Transylvania mob
armed with torches and pitchforks makes it's way across the countryside to
the Frankenstein Castle. Eerie black and white photography recreates the
burning of the windmill and we are pushed into a story that will not work
well again for two hours. The movie is what it is. A big budget
no-brainer, with some good effects and fun action scenes. If you're a fan
of this type of movie you may enjoy it, but don't go looking for a good
fright, or you will be disappointed.

The DVD comes in two editions both packed well with features. Two
commentaries provide little insight to the film. The director pats himself
on the back and seems pleased with his work. The second the monsters of the
film telling war stories of filming. The explore Dracula's castle feature
is a good one-time use feature but has little replay value. An Xbox demo
and blooper real are a better play than the film itself. The rest of the
disc is fluff making of features and previews for catalog titles and coming
attractions like Sommers Mummy Series, Seed of Chucky and...Shrek 2? Your
second option comes with all of the above plus the Original films for
Dracula, Frankenstein, and the Wolfman. It is my hope that because of this
movie, people young and old will discover these classics for the first time
and pass them on to the next generation.

Worth a rental on a rainy day, but skip it at retail and invest your money
into some Hammer films. The scares are better, and the accents are not
nearly as distracting.